all the things · christian thought · motherhood · parenting

the 2 a.m. struggle

Friday night, V refused to go to sleep. She was up 20 minutes after bedtime, and proceeded to keep waking up numerous times throughout the night. She, at some point, allowed me to sleep for about 2 hours before she woke up once more at 2 a.m.

She was crying. She clicked her teeth together creating a sound worst than nails on a chalkboard. She was unsoothable, even with a feeding.

I felt helpless.

I became frustrated.

And I felt I was harsh with my 9 month old.

Stop, just stop! Please go to sleep!

And finally, an hour later she did. Nestled in my arms, cozy in my bed, she fell asleep. She needed her mother, not an angry woman.

It is so hard sometimes to be both mom and individual. At 2 a.m., I am more often than not the individual craving sleep. I anxiously anticipate the moment I can set her back down in her crib so I can crawl back under my covers, close my eyes, and breathe deeply.

At 2 a.m., my selfishness unearths itself in beastly fashion.

But, in the morning, I am graciously reminded of His mercies.

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

And so it is with children. Praise the Lord that they are so quick to forgive and love. That they give grace unknowingly. But praise God for his steadfast love. It would be impossible to get through 2 a.m. without the truth proclaimed by the lamenter.

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